Use this paradox to harness
the power of the subconscious.

Several savvy readers have asked about an apparent contradiction in my recent blog posts. This brings up a paradox about the subconscious mind. Once you fully understand it, you will have new power to change your life, and to improve the lives of others as well.

What is this apparent contradiction?

Okay. On the one hand, scientists have found that when we believe in someone’s potential, our very belief can help them to succeed. The so-called Pygmalion effect has been documented by researchers studying teachers and students, managers and employees, and married couples.

On the other hand, scientists have found that when we tell someone they are “smart” or “talented,” our very praise can thwart their success. The so-called fixed-mindset phenomenon has been documented by researchers studying teachers and students, managers and employees, and married couples.

Belief and praise affect the subconscious in different ways.

What gives? How can it be true that praising someone’s abilities can hurt them, while believing in their abilities helps them? Simply put, one approach breeds false confidence, while the other inspires genuine confidence. One inflates the conscious ego, while the other harnesses subconscious strength.

Let’s do a little review of the so-called fixed-mindset phenomenon. When you are praised for being “smart” or “talented,” you get a conscious ego jolt, but with a dangerous subconscious undercurrent. Your subconscious takes in the implied message that these traits arise from your DNA, i.e. a person is born smart or not, talented or not. Yeah, perhaps you’re one of the lucky few, but in any case, there’s nothing you can do about it!

The fixed mindset spawns a paralyzing subconscious fear of effort, because trying hard at anything would signify a lack of natural ability (in which case, according to this mindset, you’re doomed!). The darkly discouraging subconscious message you are left with? “You are supposed to succeed effortlessly, so beware of exerting yourself.”

Yikes. It’s easy to see how that would thwart any real chance of success. We all know that, as Sophocles once put it, “Success is dependent on effort.”

All right then, how does the Pygmalion effect work differently?

In contrast, scientists have found that when someone simply believes in us, we become far more likely to succeed. This is true for adults and kids. In one study, grade-school teachers were misled to believe that a set of perfectly average students had very high aptitudes. The teachers were told not to say anything about it to the children, nor treat them differently.

Nevertheless, that year, those particular kids’ academic achievements soared. Even their IQs shot up too. The previously average children had subconsciously absorbed their teachers’ beliefs via mirror neurons. Those are specialized brain cells we all have, that recognize ultra-subtle non-verbal signals. The teachers never said anything to the children about their supposed abilities, but no doubt looked at, and talked to, those kids a tiny bit differently.

The difference lies in the subconscious messages received.

In this case, the subconscious message would have been: “You are capable. You can succeed.” Since the concept of superior DNA (such as “intelligence” or “talent”) was never voiced, there was no contradictory undercurrent. Instead of inflating kids’ conscious egos, the teachers unwittingly fostered their genuine subconscious confidence. This in turn propelled the children to exert themselves.

Because the teachers weren’t allowed to praise the kids’ supposedly high aptitudes outright, very likely they praised effort instead—which, studies show, is the most helpful praise of all. That praise would have motivated the children to work even harder. You see, in the end, researchers have concluded, it was the children’s effort which created academic gains and higher IQs.

To sum up: Praising innate ability subconsciously discourages effort. Believing in someone’s ability subconsciously inspires effort.

How do we harness the subconscious to carry us forward?

Let’s put this all together! How can we relate to other people, and to ourselves, so that we bypass a fixed mindset and go straight to the Pygmalion effect? Follow these two easy rules to bring out the best in yourself and everyone else:

1.) Believe in your own potential and that of others. Forget paying lip service to high expectations. Words are cheap. Strive for belief. Focus on the fact that consistent discipline, effort and strategy ultimately pay off. Be on the lookout for evidence of this truth, so that your subconscious mind becomes more and more deeply convinced—because what this means is that virtually anyone who wants to do the work can succeed. Fully embracing this fact makes a person naturally want to do the work… creating a victorious cycle of success! Sweeeet.

2.) Honor yourself and others for hours put in, actions taken, challenges embraced. While avoiding harmful praise (that is, calling anyone “smart” or “talented”), remember that praising what people do, inspires them to do more of it. So give plenty of good praise, focused on effort. When wins do occur, all-out celebrate!

Gratitude to you for pointing out the paradox.

Many thanks to my readers for asking about the apparent contradiction between praising, versus believing in, someone’s ability. Once you understand this paradox, it can transform your life. Many scientists compare the subconscious mind to a big powerful beast, atop which sits our smaller, weaker, conscious self. Some folks imagine this beast as an elephant, though I prefer to picture a gorgeous, gleaming horse.

Following the two easy rules above, puts you safely in the saddle, securely holding both reins. You become master of your subconscious. This empowers you to choose where you want to go, and to get there fast. Along the way, it enables you to help others excel, as well. And that’s what this life is all about, right?

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