Empower others through praise!
Alert them to their core strengths.

What’s the most empowering praise you ever received? Chances are that it was something specific, not vague, and that it called attention to at least one of your core personal strengths.

Honor the purpose of praise.

As you expand your influence through the power of praise, remember the purpose of praise. It’s not to win popularity or grandstand your own munificence. The purpose of praise is to empower the person you’re praising. You can do that by using praise to point to their personal strengths.

Knowing our core strengths helps us flourish.

Scientific studies show that getting in touch with core strengths helps people to thrive personally and professionally. It motivates then to achieve more and to enjoy their achievement more. It boosts confidence and motivation, dispelling the subconscious fear of “learned helplessness.” (For research details, see renowned psychologist Martin Seligman’s latest book, Flourish.)

Use praise to bring out people’s strengths.

You can help someone access their core strengths by aiming your praise accordingly. Here’s how a friend did this for me. I once published a very dark, comic novel. It won some prestigious literary awards, although it also offended many people. Of course I liked the positive feedback more than the negative—but not all the positive comments were actually helpful. Endorsements such as, “Riveting!” or “Terrific!” sure pumped up my ego, but they did nothing to help me grow. In fact, they made me anxious about meeting (or failing!) newly raised expectations.

Vague or hyperbolic praise may flatter but fails to empower.

The singularly most helpful comment came from the late poet and memoirist Lucy Grealy. After receiving an early copy, she phoned. “The word is courage,” she told me. “You write about feelings and thoughts that most people don’t want to admit exist. For many, this will be much too honest. I’m giving you a blurb. You know you’re very brave.”

Sometimes we don’t recognize our own strengths.

Well Lucy was one of the bravest souls to walk the planet. (Childhood cancer dealt her a disfigured face, and she never let it hold her back. Her memoir about this will inspire you.) But until then, I hadn’t thought of myself as brave. By praising my courage, Lucy helped me to see it, and to own it, which now allows me to draw on bravery as a core strength.

And this is really good, because frankly I’m a scaredy-cat, often terrified of going forward in my work, my relationships, my life. (Being brave does not mean being fearless! It means, as Jack Canfield has taught me, feeling fear and taking action anyway.) But now I need only remind myself of what Lucy saw in me, “The word is courage,” and go forward I do.

Use specific praise to show people their strengths.

Take up this challenge: In praising others, aim to pinpoint their core strengths. Be specific about how you recognize those strengths showing up. Does your colleague’s mentorship of an intern demonstrate her remarkable compassion? Does your child’s refusal to give up on calculus indicate deep determination? Does the way your manager deftly chunks down and divvies up projects show a strength for strategy?

Do you know your own core strengths?

You get the idea. And as you help other people zero in on their strengths, what about your own? Do you know for sure what they are? In the business world, my favorite strengths-guru is Tom Rath. His classic book How Full is Your Bucket? not only shares research on the power of praise, it also comes with an access code to take a free strengths-finder test. Discover your own strengths, recognize how you use them to improve the world, and give yourself a big praise-pat on the back!

Which personal strengths do you value most? Please share your thoughts below. And if you’ve enjoyed this post, please click Like, and feel encouraged to Share. Thank you!