Bypass “realism” regarding your mate.
Create the Michelangelo effect!

When you fall in love, you see your darling in a rosy light, quickly explaining away their foibles and perhaps exaggerating their heroic qualities. That’s fine for budding romance, but once the two of you settle in for the long haul, it’s time to be a realist, right? Noooooo!

Let go of your need to be “right.”

If you want your relationship not only to last, but also to grow deeper, happier and sexier, then you must be brave enough to throw nitpicking realism out the window. Save that level-headedness for financial investments, because there you need it. But regarding your partner, it pays to be the ultimate optimist. Strange as it sounds, this is based on science.

In the last two blogs, we explored scientific findings around the Pygmalion effect—how our beliefs about others get communicated subconsciously via mirror neurons. This is why one person’s expectations can profoundly influence another person’s success. It’s solid science that happens to work like magic.

Create & enjoy the Michelangelo effect. 

Well this is even truer among couples, where intimacy renders subconscious communication more prevalent and powerful. Here the phenomenon is called the Michelangelo effect, and its benefits are especially sweet. Scientific studies show that romantic partners who see each other in the rosiest light, thereby bring out the best in each other, and enjoy the happiest relationships. They not only stay together, their romantic intimacy continues to deepen.

Boost your relationship by manifesting a better reality.

So go ahead and idealize your darling. Your sweetheart will subconsciously take your cue to grow into their ideal self. They’ll become just about as wonderful as you expect them to be. And by appreciating them more, you’ll naturally grow happier, helping your relationship thrive.

The Renaissance genius Michelangelo reportedly thought of sculpting as a way to uncover the beauty that was already present, if hidden, in a marble stone. This approach goes beyond being “realistic.” It entails creating, or even unveiling, a more beautiful reality.

Raise your expectations above others’ opinions.

University of Buffalo Psychologist Sandra Murray studies happy couples. She measures what one partner thinks of the other, and then compares that view to the views of their closest friends. Couples who see each other as more attractive, engaging, devoted and intelligent than other people see them, have the best relationships. The bigger the difference—between outsiders’ opinions, and their own higher assessments of each other—the better the relationship.

In the end, are such lovebirds being unrealistic? Or are they replacing petty realism with a higher reality? What do you think? Please comment below. If you’ve enjoyed this post, please click “Like” and share with friends. Many thanks!